Get Lost

I mean seriously, have your tried to get a 7 yr old to clean the fridge and wash the floors and change a tire all in 2 hours ?? C’mon now … pfft !!

Almost 49. Almost 49 years I have been on this earth and what do I have to show for it? Who am I and why am I here? These are some of the things that tumble around in my mind as I lay awake at two in the morning, listening to the trickle of water, the owls hooting in the distance,  the soft snores of the cats, and the not so soft snores of my partner.18057818_10155121528962464_1171571106966965537_n  The answers change from time to time but what always remains is that I have always been someone’s something. Daughter, sister, friend,employee,  partner, aunt, mother. There is nothing wrong with any of these “something’s” but I wanted more . Had I ever been something …something just for myself? Continue reading “Get Lost”

Now What ??

The second day was uneventful as far as my shyness was concerned. This was cake – not like Cake by the ocean – but cake nonetheless!! Looking back,  I’m not sure what I was so afraid of or worried about. Today held no spills of coffee or loud crashes. No subway errors – I could get used to this life where embarrassing moments were few and far between. Although, in hind sight, where would my laughter come from then?? I do spend a good amount of time laughing at my own self.

Yes, the second day was the same as the first in that I found myself crying again once at the convention. Along with the red lanyard that they gave out at the beginning of the weekend, our little welcome pack should have had a box of Kleenex in it! If I had known there would so much liquid escaping my eyes I would have brought waterproof mascara (have you seen me without mascara?? It’s not a pretty sight, with me being blonde and all – lol) Continue reading “Now What ??”

Almost There – It’s Not So Scary

“… live streaming on Facebook. Me … live streaming in my jammies, hair in a messy bun, streaming out to whomever may be scrolling through their newsfeed…. disheveled woman crying and being speechless and struggling to put her experience of the day into words….”

The first day wrapped and I felt the the buzz, the vibration from the room to be all encompassing. I felt torn: I wanted to stay and connect but this quiet, introvert needed air; space to breath and absorb all the incredible information I had been bombarded with. I say bombarded because I truly did not expect to learn so much; to feel so much, on this great adventure. And this was only day 1!

Making my way back to the condo, with dinner plans, with a great friend and confidant, in the very near future I recounted the emotional roller coaster I had just experienced. I felt amazing!! For the first time in a very long time I had laughed, cried, got angered, and happy all in the space of the past 8 hours. I felt the need to share all my new found information with everyone, and I did later that night. After a great dinner at Giancarlo Trattoria (their lemon pasta is to die for !!!) I found myself back in the solitude of my comfort. Continue reading “Almost There – It’s Not So Scary”

Caution: Slippery When Wet

I was just this little bumpkin from the West Coast, on an island no less. How could they know me?

Saturday morning; the first day of the convention. After the previous night, I’m pumped and excited, although my heart is palpitating a little more than necessary. The  online hype leading up to this day has been intense. I leave the condo on a natural high. Meeting my Floridian team and discovering all the new product reveals is bound to make for a good day! I make my way, uneventfully I might add, to the hotel via the subway – a challenge that has now become second nature, I even manage a little Facebook livestream – another daunting feat that was conquered a few weeks back. Look at me go – like there is no tomorrow !! Continue reading “Caution: Slippery When Wet”

The Social Event (aka My Nightmare Solitude)

I retreat to the walkway between the hotel towers and quickly dial my best friend, oddly enough she is the sister of the man who rescued me from the subway faux pas. I mean really, at a time like this who else would you call???

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Fast forward a few hours and 6:00 p.m found me getting ready, applying and reapplying makeup; curling and re-curling my hair. Nothing was co-operating – but on the upside, my outfit was slammin’!! Finally I think I am ready and I make my way to the subway for the second time that time, this time making note of the correct stop to disembark at. I have been psyching myself up for the evening. Not only am I walking in alone (oh the horror of it all), but into a crowd of 1000+ people where I know maybe a handful of them. And by know, I mean I have partaken in online video calls and seen them from afar. So I don my required red lanyard that proudly says I belong to something much bigger that what this little rural door-mouse from small town Ontario has ever belonged to before. Continue reading “The Social Event (aka My Nightmare Solitude)”

Outside the Comfort Zone (Part 2)

“…I am conflicted with my options of a) taking off the glasses so that things appear lighter yet I appear squinty in my attempt to make things out o r b) walk through like I am this cool chick … too cool to take off her shades. I opt to not look cool. Big mistake. Huge. …”

I begin making my way down (notice I refrain from using north,south, east, or west, and also left or right) Bloor Street to Queen’s Quay (pronounced Key as I soon discovered – much to my chagrin). How did I get from Yonge Street onto Bloor Street when they both run the same direction?!?!? As I have since been told, Toronto runs on a grid system. This was one weird grid is all I can say!! The walk to the hotel took about 10 mins – straight forward and easy. no excitement here people; keep going about your day. Although on the outside I believe I exuded confidence, inside I was a a jiggly bowl of jello – and not the yummy kind. A few moments later I looked up and the hotel loomed before me.

Continue reading “Outside the Comfort Zone (Part 2)”

Outside the Comfort Zone (Part 1)

I mean, who was I? What difference could or would my going make? I was just a little island girl looking at changing her focus.

I wasn’t sure if I should go or not. I mean, who was I? What difference could, or would, my attending make? I was just a little island girl looking at changing her focus. No one could do that but me so why travel 3000 kms. to mingle with over 1000 people? The decision was made on an afternoon whim when I thought I would just check the flight costs. I couldn’t believe me eyes – a round trip for just under $500 Cdn. – unheard of!! Success leaves clues. The decision made, I was committed. When the flight embarked I was excited but nervous all the same. I had a personal mission: I was going to meet the CEO of this new adventure I was on. I was going to meet John, my team – my support. I could do this; I could be the next one to go further. but inside I was terrified.

Continue reading “Outside the Comfort Zone (Part 1)”

Why I Write

I’ve always liked to write.  I remember sitting at the kitchen table, at about the age of 8, with my dad’s old Smith-Corona typewriter and creating, what I thought were, amazing novellas with twisting plots and villainous characters.

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As I advanced into my teen years, I could be found creating brooding, romantic heroes for my latest romance book. character profiles and pages of my greatest book ever littered my desk when I should have been studying. Being an avid reader all my life, I pulled on characters that won my attention in the various books I devoured and I amalgamated them all into the next best seller.

Over time, life has become rather busy and my writing fell by the wayside. The intent of my blogging is to get back to one of my passions. I don’t intend on writing a specific series of blogs but each blog will have its own intent. Welcome to the ramblings of a closet writer, where you may find yourself lost in my life and the experiences that seem worthy of putting pen to paper, or fingers to keys.